Don't Tell Me
by Random Artemis
Summary: Two years after the Endless Waltz, war is brewing yet again on the horizon. The gundam pilos re-unite bringing Duo out of seclusion only so the others discover a rather shocking secret. sort-of yaoi with mild 3+4/4+3 and a 1+2/2+1 with a ~twist~
1. Live to tell

  
  


Don't Tell Me.

By: Random Artemis

  
  


disclaimer: Gundam wing belongs to a whole lotta people who aren't me, *sob*. I own nothing except my laptop, Steve, and the crapmobile, Roxy, (yes, it's a car-and I have to share it with my sister) so sueing me for them will just result in a good long catfight to the death.

  
  


On with the story! R/r please! I write a helluva lot faster when people review. Oh yeah, and check out my other stories too if you like this one!

Oh yeah, this is 3x4/4x3 and 1+2/2+1 ....with a twist!

***

Prologue: 86 Bullets

  
  


They killed the white girl first. Her name started with a V. Veronica, Victoria... maybe Violet, something prissy like that. I don't know, I can't remember, or maybe it's just because I'm trying so hard not to think about it. Her picture flashes across the screen, along with her name. Vivian Marlette, the representative for the U.K. in the junior United Earth Sphere Alliance peace conference. 

God I hate the world sometimes. A small part of me still believes I was hallucinating, that, no, terrorists DIDN'T publicly broadcast a massacre of the junior peace summit. The best and the brightest all extinguished in a hail of bullets. 

The world and colonies were in an uproar of confusion, anger, and panic. War was brewing on the horizon, again. No matter how hard I tried to outrun my checkered past, it just keeps on catching up to me. Sooner or later I will be called to battle to spill fresh blood on my already stained hands. I felt nauseous at the thought of war, memories of carnage worming their way around the thick walls already placed there. I was ashamed of my fear, but, hell, even the God of Death is allowed to feel sick after a certain amount of carnage. 

I booked the ticket on the next shuttle to L4, home of Winner Enterprises. Where Quatre was, there was bound to be Trowa, With Wufei and Heero in contact through the Preventers. I chuckled to no one in particular; after all the trouble I'd gone through to lose them, here I was walking, willingly, back into it. I laughed sadly and harshly again, then whispered, "Shinigami lives again."

  
  


***

  
  


End Prologue

  
  


Sorry that was so short minna-san! Please r/r!


	2. something to remember

Don't Tell Me

by: Random Artemis

  
  


Ask and ye shall receive! You asked for more! Well here it is! In the same day too *gasp* 

Here CherryBlossom Angel who was kind enough to write a nice review and inspire me to post the next part! And death flower sorry the twist is in here.. With more to come(Imagine what 10 review could do....) *HINT HINT*

Disclaimer: I don't own them...yadda...yadda...yadda... 

  
  


Part 1: Desires and Revelations

  
  


Heero Yuy stared at the uncomfortable young melato (an: melato is a person of mixed black and white races) woman sitting across the aisle from him on the shuttle. Something about her seemed naggingly familiar, but the perfect soldier couldn't put his finger on it. It bothered him. He nudged Trowa and gestured to the girl who was now squirming under the gaze of the two famous pilots.

She wasn't particularly distinctive. Her long black hair fell in cornrows to nearly the floor when she sat. Heero grunted. In his opinion, it was a very inefficient way to wear one's hair. She had the uneven milk chocolate complexion of a teenager who hasn't quite learned yet how to mix foundations correctly to get a perfect match. Her eyes were hidden by a pair of large mirrored sunglasses. The sense of unrest still nagged at him. Heero turned to Trowa for his consensus, but Trowa, clearly not interested in females, didn't consider the girl a threat, and turned his attention elsewhere. 

Heeor sighed inwardly, the girl was still bothering him, it was probably the long hair in braids reminding him of Duo.

Heero liked to pretend the reason he'd tried to track down Duo for the past two years was because he valued him as a friend and collegue. He was also pretending, while he was at it, that the reason he'd been thinking about Duo constantly was caused by the trouble he'd have to go to, to find the last component of their old team. Heero knew it, but he denied it vehemently every time his hormones brought it up. He was in love. With Duo. A fellow gundam pilot. A fellow male.

Duo was a very touchy subject for Heero. He had come to the conclusion that he was definately not gay. A bit of experimentation and the fact that he was not even remotely attracted to any other man. He was attracted to women, not as strongly as Duo, but still attracted nevertheless, even if he didn't fancy Relena. So, he had come to the conclusion that he was attracted to women...and Duo.

He used to think it was simply the stresses of war, but apparently, according to his current trains of thought, it wasn't.

The girl looked, he mused once again turning his attention back to her, a bit like Duo, but she didn't move like him at all. In fact, she moved slightly roboticly, as if she were forcing herself to move unnaturally. Someone who trained themselves to move differently was a threat. So he continued to watch her.

Not because she reminded him of Duo.

Not at all.

~~~~*~~~~

  
  
  
  


I shifted in my seat, trying to squirm as far away as possible as to get away from the intense glare of the young man sitting across the aisle from me. I was thankful for the sunglasses because of the tears pooled in my eyes. 

Two years.

Two years of repressing and forgetting. Two years of hiding, of pain. I thought I was ready now, to forget and start a new life. A clean and good existence. Obviously I was wrong. Two years of learning to live outside the war, destroyed in the moment our eyes met. This was a mistake.

Strangely enough, the first memory that rushed back into my head wasn't of him, but of Quatreand a painful, yet liberating confession...

  
  


*****

  
  


It was late at night, I had just stepped out of the shower and taken my hormone suppressants. G didn't want me to outgrow Deathscythe's cockpit, let alone grow...other things that might endanger my secret. 

I had fallen face down on my bed, sobbing, my forgotten wet hair splaying out around me, becoming hopelessly tangled as a thrashed in misery. I was so lost in lonliness, in the hopeless, helpless love in felt for Heero. Of all the pilots, even of enemies later turned friends, I had to fall for Heero. Cold, emotionless, oddly considerate at times, incurably anti-social, infuriating, and impossibly beautiful.

I was so lost in my pain, I didn't even register Quatre opening the door and coming over to sit with me on the bed. He placed a comforting hand on my back, murmuring, "It's alright, It's alright..." I looked up at him, dazed and surprised that he had managed to sneak up on me. 

He smiled sadly down at me, his eyes mirroring my own. "Shh... Duo let it all out..." he said softly, drawing me up into a hug. So I cried and he gently untangled my hair. "Heero, right?" he asked gently. 

I lifted my head from his shoulder, "How? How did you?"

He held up the brush defensively, "Hey, I do have 29 sisters you know."

I grinned weakly and replied, "I didn't mean the hair, thanks though..." 

"No problem, and as for Heero, " he gestured to his space heart vaguely, "Even if it didn't tell me, I'd recognize a fellow.

Suddenly events, and covert glances snapped into place. "Trowa." I replied, more of a statement than a question really. He nodded sadly, blinking back tears.

We sat there in sad silence, brooding as the tension inside me built up, and finally passed my breaking point. I had to share my last secret with Quatre. With someone, with anyone. Something to share from deep inside to make me feel less alone. Only myself, Dr. G, and now deceased OZ soldiers who performed my torture sessions knew. Really, it was a miracle I'd managed to hide it for so long. Quatre stared angsting at the wall, completely unaware of my internal struggle, nor of the bomb I was about to drop. At least until I abruptly blurted out, "Quatre, I'm a girl."

***** 


	3. crazy for you

  
  
  
  


Don't tell me

  
  


disclaimer: I own nothing! NOTHING! 

  
  


Part 2: Explanations 

  
  


where we left off:

  
  


"Quatre, I'm a girl."

  
  


*****

  
  


His eyes widened and his jaw literally dropped open. He blinked a few times. I don't think I've seen anyone so utterly shocked in my entire life. Shocked the hell out of me too, I'd never told anyone the truth about my gender until now. Apparently I'd been a good guard to my secrets. Looking back, I think Quatre took it fairly well.

"You're...kidding right?" he asked, still gaping.

" 'm afraid not." I sighed and flopped despondantly down onto my mattress. 

Quatre stared at me for a few more minutes and finally concluded, "Adam's apple." 

"What?"I replied.

"Adam's apple, men have them, you don't." he repeated. My hand flew self-consciously to my throat. Quatre may seem like a harmless pushoverbut that guy is perceptive as hell. Trust Quat to instantly pick out the one thing G had missed in my disguise. " But how..." he trailed off, gesturing at my body in general.

"Hormone suppressants," I reached into my jockeys, and pulled out... "Sock." I finished.

Quatre shook his head. "What a pair we make. The queer and the crossdresser." I smirked.

We sat in comfortable silence, Quatre expertly brusing my hair. I think Quatre's the only one who's ever seen it down, come to think of it. All of a sudden, Quatre broke into a fit of hysterical giggles. "Uh oh." I thought, "That's it, he's finally lost it." 

"Uhh... Quatre, you okay?" I asked when he had finally calmed down enough to breathe normally. 

"Sorry..." he snickered, "I was just thinking about how Wufei would react to the fact that a 'weak onna' has beaten him in combat, and has saved his life on numerous occaisions."

I thought about it, then added, "And that a 'weak onna' saw him in the steam bath."

Quatre chuckled. "Priceless."

  
  


*****

  
  


Later, more painful memories, happier memories, and mostly forgotten memories flooded back to me. I discreetly wiped my eyes from behind my mirrored shades. Damn, I missed it. I missed the tears, I missed the laughter even if it was almost always mine, I missed the days we had, and all that followed after. I missed it, good and bad, everything. I just don't think I'm ready to deal with it again, but I have to be, I'm needed.

  
  


*****

  
  


Quatre shifted uneasily in the seat at the spaceport. His lover, Trowa, and Heero, his friend, were bound to arrive at any moment now. He was staring at the gate that Trowa and Heero would emerge from, when a stranger slammed into him. He felt a hand snake into his pocket and he tried to grab it. It was too fast though, and the stranger slipped quickly and seamlessly into the churning crowd. 

Quatre reached into his pocket and found a folded slip of paper. Curious, he unfolded it.

It turned out to be a note which read:

  
  


Heya Quat-kun!

Lookin' good baby! Looks like Shinigami's needed again, so, I'll be in touch! Don't show this to 01, 03, or 05. I'll turn up soon enough!

Your favorite braided baka, Duette. 

  
  


Quatre smiled at the mention of his previous private nickname for the braided pilot, then crushed the paper and tossed it into a nearby trash can, as he walked, smiling, to join his companions. 

  
  


*****

  
  


Water is one of my favorite things in the world. Back on L2, there is never enough for everyone to drink, let alone wash with. I think that's why I truly appreciate a good shower. This shower was particularly heaven-sent. The cakey, thick self-tanner and plastic additions to my face that changed my features and race fell away in sticky globs in the heat of the shower. I hated the itchy, unnatural adjustments, but they were necessary. After all, the only thing keeping Heero and the others from finding me, is that Heero is looking for a skinny long-haired white boy, not a young melato woman. The temporary black dye washed out of my hair, finally freed from the painful cornrows that had taken hours to unbraid. 

I stepped out of the shower, no longer a voluptuous racially mixed woman with sunglasses, loud clothes and a crooked grin, but instead I was all muscle and lean curves. A wiman of average height, 5'6", a good six inches taller than when I had began taking the suppressants. I had a fair peaches n' cream complexion that stubbornly refused to tan, a damp, thick golden-brown braid that now thumped heavily against the backs of my thighs, and huge, treacherous violet eyes that forced me to wear sunglasses so I wouldn't be recognized. I never realized how much of a trademark they had become. 

As I stood in my shabby black bathrobe, in front of the duxty mirror in my motel room, I debated my outfit strategy. Most people, even women, don't realize the power of the right clothes. The right outfit can make all the difference. First impressions are everything.

I briefly debated wearing my old priest outfit for old-time's sake, but, fortunately, G knew his chemicals, and the suppressants merely stalled, not stopped certain changes. The outfit was skin tight in places it once had room to spare. I thought about wearing the old nun's habit I'd picked up somewhere along my travels as a joke. I considered the skimpy clubbing clothes I had from an old mission where I yet again had been chosen to 'pretend' to be a girl, for shock value, but I eventually settled on plain black leather pants and trenchcoat that was long enough to hide my current weapon of choice, a retractable scythe. I slipped on my battered black combat boots, and my shades. In case they didn't recognize me, I wore my silver crucifix, and a black top that had "Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry" scrawled across it in red ink, in the grand tradition of Maxwell humor, for good measure. 

I took a deep breath, smiled my old, fake cheery smile, and headed out the door before I lost my nerve. Inwardly, I smiled ironically. Shinigami, the god (or in this case goddess) of death, was going out to meet a war, but she was more afraid of her allies than her enemies.

  
  


****

  
  
  
  


Eek! Short again! The next chapter will be up this week though...so write reviews to make it good! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! 

Next chapter: Duo goes to see the other pilots! Insanity insues.


	4. this used to be my playground

Part 3: 

  
  


Yeah, I'm messing around with their ages, and yes, there is a reason (albeit a bad one) for it (mostly cause I wanted to, but there is another reason). I'm saying that at their first meeting (where Duo tries to shoot Heero) Duo is thirteen and Heero is fifteen. I also don't know how long the wars including endless waltz are supposed to last, so I gave them two years. It doesn't really matter, but it explains their current ages being two years after the end of the original wars, Duo: 17 and Heero:19.

***

  
  


Heero looked up as someone knocked at the door to the safe house. Quatre and Trowa were already there, going over blueprints for new mobile suits, so it left Heero one alternative, the wrong one...

"Come on in Wufei, the door's unlocked." Heero turned his attention back to his own mobile suit plans. OoO! Double beam cannons!

"WUFEI?? I didn't think my knocks sounded so uptight..." the strange yet naggingly familiar voice trailed off as Heero's hand clamped around the intruder's throat, he was about to crush the person's windpipe, but then froze. The girl's sunglasses had been knocked halfway down her pert nose, and he found himself drowning in huge amethyst pools. The only other person with eyes that color was...

Quatre and Trowa rushed into the kitchen, "Heero! We heard a... Duo?!?" 

"I run and hide but never tell a lie." Duo croaked. 

Heero abruptly released Duo, whom he was holding by her neck a good foot above the floor. 

Heero too had grown, and, at nineteen, he stood 6' tall, well muscled, and, if possible, even more gorgeous than the fifteen year-old waif he had been when Duo had first fallen in love. 

Heero stood there in shock. Almost impossibly wide, long-lashed violet eyes...check. Wide, cheery smile, innocent heart-shaped face, long, silky braid... check, check, check. Trademark silver crucifix, check. However, the fact that it was nestled between two fair-sized breasts was a problem. Duo is male, and this Duo is certainly, utterly female. 

"B-but, what? How? Why?" he sputtered pointing at Duo, more specifically, her chest. "B-but...you're a guy!"

She rolled her eyes, "I never swam or bathed with you guys, I tended my own wounds. Actually, I'm surprised that after living with me for so long, no one figured it out!"

"But...but..."

"You didn't REALLY think all the hormone suppressants were for my height... did you?"

"But.. But... But..."

"So I was flat when I was fifteen!" Duo rolled her eyes again. "Y'know, for a perfect soldier, you aren't very perceptive." She sighed and brushed her bangs off her face. "Look, Quat-man, did you have any plans for me?" 

"Sure thing," Quatre said and led Duo out of the workshop. 

Heero stood there in total shock. After Duo left, he realized that while 13 year old Duo was annoyingly attractive, 17 year old Duo was absolutely stunning. 

The absent Wufei chose that moment to enter the safehouse, to encounter, for the first time in his recollection, a completely stunned Heero. "What did I miss?" he asked. Trowa simply smirked, as if to say, 'you'll see...'

  
  


****

  
  


I was shaking and my heart was pounding, but luckily, it hadn't given out yet. I survived my first real encounter with the object of my obsession in two years. I mentally slapped myself for re-appearing on the scene instead of just leaving myself on-call for missions. There was no real point of hiding out with the others until our new mobile suits were built anyway. 

He's gorgeous, my hormones added.

I don't think I'll be able to avoid it any longer. I'm in love with the most attractive, dangerous, and utterly uncaring person in the world. 

In short, this sucks.

Quatre was practically bouncing off the walls in the excitement of seeing me again. "Let me look at you Duette!" he squealed, (yes, squealed, there is no other more manly word for it, sorry Quatre.) using his pet name for me. He made me take off me coat and do a few fashion spins. He stood there, jaw agape. I put my hands on my hips and stared at him petulantly ( is that even a word? It sounds right though...) this was happening all too often today.

"Duo..." he whispered, in something akin to awe, "Duo you're beautiful."

Well...this was different. 

Eight years of ignoring my budding womanhood, from the beginning of my training, had taught me to completely disregard my appearance. No one had ever sincerely complemented me on my appearance before. I was pleasantly shocked, and, for once, I didn't have a snappy comeback prepared. "Thanks Q-kun." 

"No need." Quatre said waving his hands, "Just stating the truth."

I'm ashamed to say I actually blushed. 

"Anyway," Quatre continued, "I'm glad you got here so soon! You have a mission!" 

"Oi! Q! Already? If you don't love me anymore, you could just ask me to leave you know!" I exclaimed, falling easily back into my old role. 

Quatre looked mortally offended. "No! Duo if you don't want..." he began frantically before I cut him off with a laugh. He relaxed, "I want you to go undercover with Heero at Alliance Prep., a school for rich brats and whiny wannabe's. I should know, I was invited to enroll. The parent of these kids are some of the most powerful on Earth or the colonies. Your mission is to infiltrate, befriend, then extract as much information as possible. Best case, we find out who, what, where, when, why and how in time to nip the terrorists of the month at the bud. Worst case, you're made some very powerful connections." 

I nodded, a worthwhile mission. "So, who am I?" I asked, reverting to war mode.

"Maxine Solo." I grinned, Q grinned back. "I thought you'd like the name," he continued. "Distant relation to the Cinq royalty. You'll take the females and the junior students. Heero is Odin Lowe, he'll take the male seniors and the staff..." Quatre would have finished briefing me if Wufei hadn't opened the door. 

He stood there in open-mouthed shock. I swear, if that happens ONE more time today... well, do the words jell-o, green dye, five pounds of cooked noodles and every Llama within a 500-meter radius mean anything to you? As anyone can see, I'm starting to get annoyed. Wufei mouthed, "Duo... onna?" unable to choke out anything else before unceremoniously passing out on the floor. 

"I think he took it rather well." Quatre said, before beginning to laugh.

"You do have a camera, right Quatre?"

"Yup."

"Perfect." We both smiled evilly.

  
  


****

  
  


Heero was getting annoyed. 

For two years Heero had lived with Duo. TWO YEARS and he had never suspected a thing. All this time spent coming to terms with his muddled sexuality and it turns out Duo is a woman! Heero pinched himself a few times, then smacked Trowa for good measure. 

Trowa, not knowing the reason behind Heero punching him, he punched Heero back in the arm, then walked off, muttering about the effect of Duo on his brain. Yup, Heero concluded, rubbing his tingling arm. That hurt, so this wasn't a dream- or a particularly weird nightmare as he had hoped. Trowa was right though. Duo had that effect on people, she was a loud, powerful, and incapacitating drug, but fortunately, she seemed to have that effect on most people so Heero didn't feel QUITE so stupid. HER

Her.

She.

Duo.

  
  


It was still very weird for Heero to be thinking of Duo using feminine pronouns. 

Oh well, he had a mission tomorrow, he hoped it was something fairly long. Long enough to logically sort this whole situation out. He didn't want to act before he finalized a conclusion. Whenever he acted blindly on emotion, the results were nearly always bad. 

He winced, Relena.

He'd felt bad doing it, but telling her off and shooting her in the foot had seemed like the only option at the time. Well, Heero concluded, Duo had just left, leaving him adrift in a turbulent sea of confusing and unfamiliar emotions, and Relena had kept following him around, glomping him at the most inopportune moments.

Plus, she bugged him. 

After that, they didn't speak for a year. Surprisingly (or maybe not so, seeing as he had shot her in the foot) , she had gotten over him rather quickly and she had matured a little due to her postion. When Heero stopped sulking and called her up to apologize, they had actually become pretty good friends. She actually gave pretty good advice. He high position and stress forced her to change from a ditzy, self-centered idealist stalker, to a mature, calm, and independant peace-loving realist, with a biting wit and a slightly sardonic sense of humor. 

Much to the astonishment of all who knew her, she actually became likable.

Yes, he decided, picking up the phone, it was definately a good time to call Relena. Aside from Duo or Relena, he would be the first to admit that his social skills were rather lacking, and he was smart enough to know when he needed help. He stoically began to dial.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Review...*whimpers pathetically* ...please review, 

so what do you think??? 

Next chapter: Wufei wakes up and Relena gets called!


	5. take a bow

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Fei...Wufei?..."

Wufei drifted somewhere between unconsciousness and awareness. He really SHOULD get up and continue preparations for his upcoming mission with that weak onna, Sally Po...Injustice!... but it felt so nice floating here....

What finally jolted him back to reality was the unpleasant sensation of ice-cubes being slipped slowly down into his boxers.

"Kisama!" He shouted and woke with a start to see a familiar braid hanging within grasp. He yanked on it until his and Duo's faces were mere inches apart. "Stop. That." he growled as Duo's braid tickled his chest. Everything snapped into focus. He looked down at his chest, he wasn't wearing a shirt. On the way back up to Duo's face, he encountered a pair of breasts, being a gentleman, he quickly looked back down, only to realize he wasn't wearing anything but those aforementioned boxers. He turned crimson, "INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!" he howled mentally.

"Re-lax Wuffie! Oi! I've seen you in a lot less." Onna-Duo replied, grinning like a recently escaped lunatic. Somehow that didn't make Wufei feel any better.

"For. The. Last. Time. Maxwell. My. Name. Is. WUFEI!!!"

"Right...Wu-man."

"Onna-Duo dies!" Wufei leapt woozily out of bed to chase after Duo, not noticing the "Shinigami Lives Again!" scrawled across his back.

Quatre chuckled and resumed snapping photos. It was good to see the old gang back together again.

End Part 1: The Gathering


	6. I'll remember

  
  


Part 2: Confusion...

  
  


Heero dialed Relena's office.

"Konnichiwa! Peacecraft-sama's office!" Lucy, Relena's secretary said brightly.

"Hello Lucy," replied Heero flatly, "Could I speak with Relena please?"

"Ooh...Sorry Yuy-san, she's in a meeting right now."

Heero cursed mentally. "K'so! The annual senior world peace summit!" He shied away from that topic, he didn't even want to THINK about what had happened at the junior meeting... "Please Lucy, it's an emergency..." Heero trailed off, trying to inject SOME sort of urgency into his voice.

"Well, I suppose," Lucy replied reluctantly.

"Arigato." Heero waited for the sequence of clicks that meant his connection had been forwarded.

"Hello, Relena Peacecraft here." A very tired sounding Relena snapping into her cell.

"Konnichiwa Relena, I need some advice..." Heero began tenatively.

"Look, Heero, could I call you back? I'm in the middle of some veral gymnastics. Relations have been a mess since the junior alliance massacre." Relena sighed and gritted her teeth as the representative from L2 began yet another accusitory, childish, finger-pointing rant. She rubbed her temples trying dispel her building headache. "Heero, I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"Relena, Duo's back." Heero responded bluntly.

"I'll have my shuttle ready in five minutes," she replied, a bit shocked. As she hung up, Heero could hear the faint stands of, "I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, but a personal emergency has suddenly arisen, and I fear I must take a short leave of absence..."

The connection clicked, and, with his heart considerably lighter, he stood there with a dead reciever in his hand.

  
  


*****

  
  


Duo's back.

The thought echoed around Relena's shocked psyche. 

Duo.

Duo, the obvious object of Heero's affection, even though he would never, ever in a million years admit it. He had hidden it so well that it had taken her years to figure out, even after he 'convinced' her that he didn't want her as a lover. She rubbed her left foot over the nickel-sized scar on her right... not that she hadn't really deserved it.

She chuckled at how different they all had become. Heero actually began to show emotion, "Even to me..." Relena reflected a tad wistfully, first loves always died hard. He smiles, even laughs occasionally, in the company of his closest friends. He even tells a rare joke.

Wufei finally relaxed a little and let the bug up his ass die after the war. He also finally managed to relax somewhat around women, especially his 'weak onna' partner Sally Po. She was his field and research partner in the ranks of the preventers, but also his, as Relena was beginning to suspect, crush. It was understandable. Sally was the only woman, including Relena herself, that Wufei fully respected. She was 23, pretty, his probable best friend, and available. He was 19, attractive, and probably sexually repressed because of years of scholarly life, then the military. He seems uptight, he probably is, but all that tension building up is just going to explode one day. 

Relena smirked, what she wouldn't give to be Sally or another lucky candidate that day...

Even compared to Heero and Wufei, Quatre and Trowa were probably the most changed of all. They didn't show it at first glance, but the both of them had developed radically. The fairly exuded happiness when they were around each other, their movements blended seamlessly into each other. When dancing or fighting, it was often hard to tell where one began and the other ended. Literally in all appearances, 'joined at the hip.' Together they were more dangerous than Relena's personal guard combined. 

They were: a coldly detached boy who cared only for the kill, a boy who hid himself under anger and an obsession with justice, a quiet, gentle boy disgusted by killing but doing his duty nonetheless, a silent ex-clown with no family, no name and no past, and a naive girl who lived mostly in either her own dreams or nightmares, becoming a stalker. 

And what had happened to them? They grew up.

  
  


Now their final member had returned. Relena wasn't sure what to expect from Duo. Unlike the rest of the team, with his strange happy-sad, young-old eyes, had seemed to grow up a long time ago. She was pretty sure she'd encounter the same pranking, lovable Duo she'd known, back from beyond with stories and adventures, and a few stolen hearts trailing after him.

He, along with Quatre, had been the light that had held the little group together. "No," she decided, "Duo probably hasn't changed one bit!"

"Relena-sama?" The pilot interrupted, "We'll be landing in five minutes."

  
  


******

  
  
  
  


Dun dun dunnnnnn! Sorry that was so short everyone! I have more written, I just have to type it, so review and check back soon! Thanks!


	7. Material Girl

  
  
  
  
  
  


Disclaimer: I own nothing...don't sue... blah blah blah...

  
  
  
  


"Are you NUTS??" I exclaimed as Quatre shooed me into the car. "HEERO willingly invited RELENA to come over before a MISSION?"

"For the umpteenth time, YES!" Quatre replied, a little exasperated at my complete and utter disbelief of this turn of events. In spite of myself, I giggled. Only Quatre word use the word 'umpteenth'. 

Quatre rolled his eyes, "I don't want to know why you're laughing, I really, really don't." 

I smiled angelically.

"...besides," Quatre continued, "Relena's really changed. She quit stalking Heero after he finally made good in his threat and shot her. She's pretty nice now." 

I gaped at Quatre. "Heero... shot... Relena..." That was when I started to laugh uncontrollably. Quatre smirked in spite of himself.

"Yeah, she couldn't believe it either." He began to chuckle, "You should have seen the look on her face!" He tossed his hair, valley-girl style, and looked up at me stupidly, tear shimmering in huge, vacant blue eyes. "Oh Heero," he squeaked, "but, but why?"

I howled with laughter, tears streaming down my cheeks. My sides hurt from laughing so hard. Quatre did a DAMNED good Relena! 

"But really..." Quatre added, becoming serious once again, "She's changed, I think you two will...ah! That's her shuttle now!" Quatre pulled the car smoothly into the space-port parking lot. I looked up to see how Quatre had instantly recognized the shuttle. Well, here's a big surprise. Relena flew in a pink shuttle, I sighed , rolling my eyes. I guess some things will never change. 

  
  


******

  
  


Duo trailed Quatre as they entered the hanger, unsure if this was a good idea. To say Duo and Relena hadn't gotten along very well during the war was an understatement. They had hated each other. Perhaps it was simply because they were warring for Heero's attention.

  
  


"Quatre!"

"Relena!"

The Arabian ran up to embrace the petite, pretty woman who had called his name. Duo's jaw dropped. This Relena was definately not the Relena he remembered. Gone was the screeching voice, the all pink outfits, the braided hair, this Relena wore an expensive clean-cut black dress suit with matching black pumps. Her face had elegantly applied make-up and her once vacant blue eyes now twinkled with good humor and authority, and her hair was drawn back in an elegant chingnon.

Duo fidgeted a few meters behind them. In her battered black trench coat, complete with messy braid and her trademark black cap, she suddenly felt very inferior. 

Pleasantries were exchanged between Quatre and Relena while Duo slowly edged backward, planning to bolt back to the safe house, or, better yet, L2. 

"I have someone for you to meet again," Quatre said cheerily. "Duo!"

"Damn!" thought Duo, a meter away from the door.

"Duo!" Relena exclaimed as Duo reluctantly walked toward them. "How have you been? It's so nice to see you again....Duo?" This time, it was Relena's turn to gawk. 

Duo rolled her eyes and grit her teeth. "Yes." She hissed, "It's me. Why is that so hard for everyone to believe?!"Quatre elbowed her in the ribs. Hard. "Ow! Dammit Q, that hurt! Don't you tell me you wouldn't be ticked if you came to see your closest friends after a long separation, and all they do is say; 'What the hell?'"

Relena snapped out of her trance. Several things now made sense. She grinned and cut off Duo in mid-rant. "Sorry Duo, from what I see here, you're definatrly the genuine Duo." She suddenly drew her into a hug, startling Duo. "We missed you!"

Duo awkwardly returned the hug. "Uhhh...thanks Relena..." she said slowly, since when did Relena like her? Damn, things have changed!

Quatre smiled at Duo and Relena, "Good." He thought, relieved. "That could have been messy."

"Relena?" Quatre broke in tentatively, not wanting to spoil the surprising moment between the two girls. "I have a favor to ask...." Quatre leaned over and whispered in Relena's ear. She nodded and they both turned to Duo, studying her intensely.

"What?" Duo asked, perturbed, for what seemed like the billionth time that day. "Do I have something in my teeth?"

Relena shook her head, an odd twinkle came into her eyes. She looked over to Quatre, who smiled in conspiracy at her, then turn his suddenly predator gaze on Duo.

Duo shuddered. Something told her she really wasn't going to like what came next...

  
  


*****

  
  


Trowa looked from the book he was reading, to his watch, then back to his book. He smiled minutely, and sipped at the tea Quatre had left him before leaving. "Three...two..one..."

  
  


*******

  
  
  
  


"Aggg-----h!" Duo screamed.

She looked at herself in horror. "No," She said firmly, "I am not coming out."

"Come on Duo, I'm sure it looks wonderful." Quatre encouraged.

"But...but..." Duo whimpered as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Relena poked her head in the small room and latched onto Duo's arm, dragging her out.

"But it's so PINK!" She finished lamely.

"What's wrong with pink?"Quatre and Relena asked in unison. Duo groaned as Quatre self consciously smoothed down his pink shirt, and Relena glanced out the store window to her pink convertable. Crap. There would be no sympathy from either of them. She fidgeted nervously, pulling at the hem of the pink mini-dress, and wondered how the hell she had been convinced to put it on. No- beyond that, how Quatre and Relena had convinced me to go shopping for 'school clothes' with them. 

She inched slowly her lovely, safe, black clothes....

Relena however, had other ideas as she intercepted her escape route, and, with surprising strength, yanked Duo toward the cash.

"Come on! You can wear it out of the store!" She exclaimed happily.

Duo whimpered slightly, but let herself be dragged along, only to make frantic 'help' signals to any passers-by. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


heh... oh shopping... how I miss thee now that all the money from my summer job is gone... damnit! Anyway, you know the drill... Review baby!

  
  



	8. What it feels like for a girl

Don't tell me... chapter 8

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I slouched in the back of Relena's convertable, my arms crossed protectively across my chest. I don't care what Relena or Q think, what I am wearing is considered underwear in many cultures, and therefore should be covered up. I mentioned this to Relena, thinking, you know, womanly modesty and all. I thought that maybe she had truly changed, her eyes lit up with what I'd assumed was understanding and she'd rummaged through the bags of purchases for a few minutes. What she came up with was neither a trenchcoat, nor black. It was an elegant pale yellow chiffon scarf that she draped attractively (to her, that is) around my neck and shoulders and handed me a the dainty, matching purse (completely useless, not even big enough to hold a small gun). She stepped back, tilted her head to one side, and pronounced my outfit complete. I teetered on my heels and restrained myself from using the fist of death.

Q said it's necessary to complete my disguise. A member of the Cinq royalty would be flawlessly coiffed at all occaisions, appearing otherwise would arouse suspicion. I then pointed out that the boarding school had a uniform, but he started rambling about weekends and evenings and dances and blah blah blah, all the while giving me these big bambi eyes (an animated film about a deer, circa 20th century, don't ask how I know this shit). Evil cherubic little bastard.

  
  


*****

  
  
  
  


"Mission. Mission. Mission. Du-oh *fuck*" Heero thought. His concentration had been off for the last couple of hours, ever since a rather female Duo had reared his... *HER* annoying head and re-entered his life. He had missed her.

#Duoduoduoduoduoduo# his hormones chanted.

/shutupshutupshutupshutup/ he chanted right back at them. They didn't shut up, however.

# You've searched for her for the last two years, go jump her! Right now!# Heero grunted and grit his teeth, summoning the mental training that made him so deadly in the cockpit. He fiercely cut himself off from all of his emotions, letting the cool, icy shield of his conditioning wrap around his heart and sharpen the logical, analytical parts of his brain as it shut down the emotional centers. The hormones didn't go easy though. Their last, fading cry was; #We'll be back, asshole!#

  
  
  
  
  
  


*****

  
  


I slouched into the bedroom. Relena and I were alone in the house, Wufei and Heero were off sulking somewhere, and Quatre and Trowa were... well, I was trying not to think about what they were doing. I have an over-active imagination. Quatre had put me and Relena in the largest room with two twin beds before he had disappeared, now I was bored with the rest of the house and wanted to get at my gameboy or discman et cetera. Problem was, Relena was sitting on the floor beside her bed, absorbed in various folders spread around her. They were color-coded with little tabby-things. I let my head thunk against the doorframe. Did being a girl mean I had to be organized and use tabby-things? I don't like tabs, they say, Conform! Fear the codedness! I turned my head toward Relena. She hadn't noticed the thunk. 

Well, I'll have to do it someday. "Hi." I said, poking my head into the room, long braid dangling over one shoulder. Relena looked up over her reading glasses and brushed a stray hair out of her eyes.

"Hello Duo." She replied. "Is there something you need?"

"Uh," I was not prepared for this. Screechy Relena I knew, whiny, preachy Relena, I could deal with. Prolonged-niceness Relena was something altogether different. "I just need some, well, some of my things?" 

Relena raised an eyebrow, "Duo? Is there something wrong?"

I shook my head, "Nah. Just need to get back into the groove y'know." I said making disco-style hand motions. Relena laughed. I don't think she's ever laughed at something I did before. Well, sure she'd laughed at me, but not when I was trying to be funny. "Why.." I started involuntarily, before I snapped my mouth shut. I really should work on the thinking before I speak thing. 

Too late. "Why what?" Relena asked, starting to file away her folders in her briefcase. 

I sighed. "Why are you being so damn nice to me? Last time I heard, you hated my guts."

She smiled a tad ruefully, "Last time I saw you was two years ago Duo, I was still in love with Heero then, it was pretty deluded, but hey, can you really blame me?" She grinned, "I mean, the boy *does* have a killer ass."

"Yeah," I smiled dreamily, "I like his eyes better though... what the hell am I saying?" My eyes widened and I slapped my hands over my mouth as I realized what I'd just blurted out. Were was this coming from? 

Relena just grinned wider, "Actually I was more into..." She made some lewd gestures with her hands, "God bless spandex." I blushed. I actually friggin blushed. 

"Relena!" I squealed, "Quit it! This is HEERO!" She just smirked and continued his litany. I was wrong, the girl hadn't got any less evil. She'd just gotten smarter. 

"I can't believe you're getting all embarrassed!" Relena crowed in a sing-song voice, "Weren't you crowned the champion of dirty jokes?" 

My cheeks burned, "Yeah, but this is Heero. The man of steel... don't even think about saying it 'Lena... he hardly even knows we exist."

Relena calmed at my comment and looked at my carefully, "Don't tell me you haven't noticed."

I frowned. "Noticed what?"

She smiled at me, genuinely this time. "Never mind." She tossed her hair and walked toward the bathroom. "Congrats D, you just completed your first girl talk." 

She rummaged through her overnight bag. "Now for the total girl night, I'm going to show you how to do a proper manicure." She said as she sneered at my chipped black polish. An hour ago I would have been ready to give up ever pulling off the mission. 

Now it was just, "Snobbish bitch."

"Damn straight, now get your tomboy ass into this bathroom."

And then I made my first female friend. 

I think I'm getting the hang of this girl thing.

  
  
  
  


Feedback please!


	9. Into the Groove

Chapter 9: We're finally getting somewhere!

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and Miranda, my beta who harassed me into finally taking the time to sit down and write the next chapter.

  
  
  
  


Heero blinked. 

He rubbed his eyes.

He shook his head.

It still didn't go away. 

  
  


He'd popped his head into Relena's room to get her to coach him through starting a conversation with Duo and.... well... Duo was already in the room. With Relena, they were laughing. Relena was in a black pantsuit while Duo wore black leather pants and a violet tank top that matched her eyes. It was nice, Heero noted. It was also one of the first times she'd ever worn something that wasn't all black.

They were singing. .....

Then Duo caught a glimpse of him in the corner of her eye. The words "deer in the headlights" does not even BEGIN to describe the look on Heero's face. Relena stopped in the middle of the "Ba-baba-bababa"'s of the chorus of "you don't own me". Wondering why Duo was suddenly blushing furiously and why the door had just slammed. 

  
  


Heero sprinted all the way back to his room, bumping into tables and corners. Visions of scantily-clad Duo's dancing around behind his eyelids every time he blinked. This was not good. At least he was leaving on his mission the next day. Hopefully in the two months or so when we was gone he could work out all these confusing feelings.

  
  


*****

  
  


Oh shiiiit! I felt all the blood leave my body and rush toward my face. I groaned as Relena cackled, Heero had seen me shaking my butt and screaming insepid lyrics into a hairbrush. Relena had insisted that every girl had to do it once, and I admit, it was sort of fun to pretend we were vid-stars in our pyjamas, but the butt-shaking! Heero had caught me shaking my butt. 

He was totally disgusted with me, I could tell. He looked as if I'd hit him in the face with a board or something! 

I stepped over Relena who was lying on the floor, rolling about and clutching her sides as tears streamed down her face. I scowled at her as I sat down on my bed and buried my face in my hands. I'm glad ONE of us was finding this funny.

  
  


******

  
  
  
  


Quatre smiled as he handed me my ticket and wrapped me in a tight hug. "I'll see you in a few months." He whispered into my ear. He and Relena had come to see me off at the bus station, Trowa being on security duty, and Wufei being too embarrassed that I was an 'Onna" , they were the only two left. 

"Q," I said as we pulled apart, "Tell me again, why are Heero and I arriving separately?" Silently, I was hoping that it wasn't changed at the last minute because he didn't want to be anywhere near me, the butt-shaking freak, but Quatre came through.

"Duo, were you paying ANY attention when I was briefing you this morning?" Exasperation wiped the traces of what I suspected to be tears from his eyes. Truthfully, I hadn't been paying any attention whatsoever. Underwire bras are really itchy. I've never worn anything but a sports-bra before, hell, before I stopped taking the suppressants I didn't need anything at all. I kept pulling at the clasp at the front, trying to keep it from rubbing at my skin. Relena says it goes away after a week or so, but I don't intend to find out. As soon as I'm at this school I'm going back to my trusty sports bra. 

"Honesty!" Quatre exclaimed, "Duo! Stop pulling at your bra and listen to me!" Oh, yeah, and I'm suppossed to be the Queen of tactless and embarassing others. Passers by turned to stare as I sheepishly stopped pulling at the strap that had fallen off my shoulder. 

"Jeez, Q, loud much?" I groaned. 

He raised an evil little eyebrow, "As I was saying, you and Heero don't know each other. You are Maxine Solo, he is Odin Gunn. If you arrive together, seem familiar with each other, and go around asking suspicious questions, oh course people are going to wonder what's going on! This is a covert mission, dear."

"Yeah, yeah," I groused. "But how are we going to meet without making everyone all suspicious then? Hm??" 

"Easy!" Quatre grinned, "He is going pretend to be smitten with you! When he sees you he'll act so shocked that no one will have trouble believing that it's love, or, er, at least lust, at first sight, so you two will conduct your missions and meetings on your 'dates'." 

"Pretend?" Relena mouthed behind Quatre's back, looking quite pleased with herself.

And Whoa. We were going to DATE for this mission? The rational, horrified part of my brain was quickly stomped on by my hormones doing a happy-dance in their new platform shoes. 

"But...but.." I stammered before reigning in my shock. I took a deep breath and started over, "Like Heero would ever agree, and besides, all of us know that Yuy isn't exactly the best of actors, how's he going to pull off a reaction that drastic?" I snorted. 

Quatre bit his lip and tried to look innocent. Relena, on the other hand looked triumphant. "Because he, er, will be very shocked to see you?" Quatre ventured. Relena started to giggle behind her hand.

"He..why?" I drew my eyebrows together in a frown. "What aren't you telling me?"

"He knows he has a contact, but well..."

"He doesn't know I'm coming?" I shrieked. Oh crap. Way to go girl, you already have the feminine hysterics down pat. Great, now everyone is looking at us, between my shriek, Quatre's bra comments and Relena's barely contained laughter. So much for trying to be the unnoticed spy.

"Oh look, your bus is about to leave!" Quatre exclaimed hugging me again before I could kill him. "Take care Duette," He said, melting my anger. "Good luck."

"Thanks." I replied, then turned to Relena who was still giggling sporadically. 

"Heh, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time, thanks Duo." She said, hugging me as well. "And stop tugging at your bra."

"Yeah that's me, the humiliation magnet." I replied finally slipping the strap over my shoulder. "See you all in two months." I said as I stepped back and walked toward my bus. My duffel was already in the cargo trunk and I had placed my foot on the first step as I heard someone call my name. It was Relena, I swiveled around nearly knocking over the boy behind me. "Duo!" She called, "Stop playing with your bra!" 

I snorted and boarded the bus, it was official, I would be changing as soon as we left the station.


	10. Vogue

Don't tell me: Chapter 10? 

            The shadow loomed over me like a specter of death. I fought the tremble in my heads, if it actually WAS the grim reaper, then hey, that would be fine. Hello? Goddess of Death here. I actually wanted to have some words with Mr. Grim for stealing my gig, but no, it wasn't the Grim Reaper. It was something much, much worse. 

            The towering sign blocked out the sun, casting a heavy shadow on my face. The words, "Alliance Prep" were emblazoned across the top of the sign in a garish orange and below was a map of the school buildings and it's grounds. The soldier part of me scoffed at this. It was poor tactics to display your blueprints where your enemy could easily view them. I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders as I prepared myself to wade into the stream of uniformed prepettes, allowing my inner soldier to realize that the residents of the school were deterrent enough for any attackers. Heh. Forget Trieze, if you wanted to totally eviscerate someone, leaving them traumatized and humiliated, all you probably had to do was tell a teenage girl that person was sleeping with her boyfriend. I grinned to myself at that thought, suppressing a giggle and drawing odd stares from the girls milling about on the lawns around me. 

            Mira was bored. She sat at her desk, buffing her nails discreetly with an emory board. With a clansdine look around the entrance hall, she grinned and propped her feet up on her desk, tilting her chair back. After slipping on a pair of headphones with her favorite band's new disk she laced her fingers together behind her head and closed her eyes. Ahh… bliss.

            ….At least it was until someone cleared their throat rather loudly somewhere above her head. She squeaked and jumped, or at least attempted to, tipping over her chair in the process, sprawling herself on the ground. " Ow! Julie! What the hell did you…" She trailed off as she met a pair of bright blue eyes. A pair of eyes which did not belong to Julie, her co-worker who had just left for lunch. No. They belonged to a tall, well-built young man. 

            She gulped. Extremely well-built young man, she amended. "Um, C-can I help you?" She asked, blushing.

            One corner of his mouth quirked upward, "I hope so," He replied, faint amusement coloring his voice. "My name is Odin Lowe, I'm a new student, I've come for my schedule, if you have it."

            Duo grinned all the way to the main office, envisioning gangsters whimpering in terror as teenage girls descended screaming: "You bitch! Get your own man!" When she reached the office, her grin stilled and faded. 

            Heero was in the office. Her pulse sped up. 'Oh no you don't,' she thought,  breathing deeply. 'You're not going to affect me this easily. I am strong. I am independent…He's smiling at her!' Her eyes widened and she fought the impulse to slap his silly smirk right off his handsome face. As far as she was concerned that smile should be for her, and her only. 

            After a few minutes of standing there, rigid and pale, the pretty, young secretary noticed her over Heero's shoulder. 

            "Hello there! Are you the other new student supposed to be arriving today?" She asked. "Maxine Solo?" 

            Duo nodded. At those words,  Heero's shoulders suddenly tensed, then relaxed, slowly turned around prepared to act shocked and love-struck.

            Well, he got the shocked part down at least.  His jaw literally dropped, and he made a few random gasping noises, opening and closing his mouth. Duo would have thought this was funny if she hadn't been idly wondering if he was choking on something. "Hello." He finally managed to mumble, "I'm Odin Lowe. I'm new as well." He thrust out his hand in front of him. Duo could tell he was disgusted at the fact that she was able to surprise him like that. In an undertone, he added, "What are you doing here? You almost made me blow our cover."

            Duo eyes narrowed. "Me? Come on! Maxine Solo, don't tell me you didn't guess." She hissed in return. Heero's lips pressed together in a thin, white line. He hadn't.

            At least the secretary seemed oblivious to the tense scene conducting itself in her office. She hummed as she thumbed through the files in a cabinet across the room. With an exclamation of triumph, she pulled several papers from the drawer and bustled back to her desk where Duo and Heero were waiting. "Here you go!" She cried cheerfully. "Maxine Solo, and Odin Lowe. Here are your dorm numbers, your supervisors, your time-tables, a copy of the dress code, a map of the grounds, a list of banned objects and substances, and your new room keys!" She handed each of them a stack of papers with a small keychain of top. She smiled widely, "Welcome to Alliance Prep! I'm sure you'll love it here!" She exclaimed.

            With a long look between them, Duo and Heero took their stacks of paper, smiled perfunctorily at the cheery secretary, and, remembering they weren't supposed to know each other, trudged off angrily to their respective dorm halls without more than a grunted "Bye."

            Mira sighed as she watched the two new students exit her building. He was a student! Too bad, he'd looked much older, and hot too. She shrugged, "Ah well," She thought, "He seemed rather taken with the pretty little brunette who was new as well, best of luck to her, I guess."  

            She slipped her headphones back on as Julie skipped through the door, back from her lunch date. "Did I miss anything while I was gone?" She grinned.

            "Nah," Mira replied, smiling back at her friend, "Nothing whatsoever, just another boring lunch hour!"


	11. holiday

Don't tell me: part 11 (in which the plot advances an inch or so and is rapidly turning into a semi-sillyfic)

A/N : thank you to my wonderful beta, Miranda, and everyone who has read and reviewed this story. Without your endless encouragement (and, okay, harassement) this story would never get written!

NOTES: this is not a new chappie, sad to say, but the formatting was wrong when I uploaded this a few days ago, sorry about that guys and gals! As always, please R/R!

            I groaned and slumped back onto my bedspread, as visions of algebra and calculus danced in my head. Flinging an arm over my eyes, I moaned, rubbing at my aching temples. With my other hand I loosened my school tie and unbuttoned my blouse, fanning myself with its oversized disco lapels. It wasn't enough that I was stuck at school, but did the uniforms have to be straight out of some cheesy seventies porn video? Tight white blouse, navy blazer, red tie, red and blue mini-kilt, white knee socks, and black patent Mary Janes. Someone up there is out to get me. Just as I'm gaining some fashion sense, they stick me in **this** abomination. 

That's it. They're going down. 

This mission was turning out to be far worse than I imagined. First off, I was pretending to be younger so I'd be in a junior grade, and even then I couldn't do half the work. My math teacher kept me after class to ask if I was feeling all right. Apparently Quatre had finessed my scores on the entrance exam into genius (i.e. Heero) level. I can just see it now; my cover blown because of a lousy math score.

            I rolled over, buried my face in my pillow, and mumbled to no one in particular about how wrong I was for this job. I've never gone to school past a week here and there for missions, and even then, I haven't been on a mission in over two years, so I can't even remember how to fake it! And, on top of it all, my f***ing bra had rubbed a little red, raw patch between my breasts. Relena was going to get **such** a beating for going though my bag and removing all my wonderful, slouchy sweats and sports bras. 

            Just as I was putting the finishing the final touches on my ultimate revenge, the computer beeped.

            No. 

BEEP

I'm not going to answer.

BEEP

 You can call all you want, I won't give in. This day had been hellish enough.

BEEP. The computer was beginning to glare at me. I turned away.

BEEP. It was starting to sound insulted. 

BEEP! It was starting to sound annoyed.

BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEE… For fuck's sake! I stomped over to my desk and flipped up the screen on my laptop. 

I double-clicked on my web-cam, and snorted as Wufei's purple face came into view. He looked as if his head were about to explode. I chuckled; I'd forgotten how easy it was to goad Wuffie into a murderous rage… And how fun it was.

            "Yeeeeeaaah?" I drawled, emphasizing my 'American' L2 accent, remembering how much Wu-man had hated it. I was expecting a reaction, but not the one I got. 

He paled, made a harsh chocking sound and keeled over as the web-cam was splattered with blood. 

I jumped, stunned for a minute before desperately hitting the reload button on my laptop. "Wufei? Wufei? Come in dammit!" My voice rose in pitch as I began to panic. What had happened? The cam's lens was nearly completely blacked out, I could only see random smattering of color and soft murmuring, then a quiet chuckle.

Had someone just attacked Wufei? Had my lousy math marks given us away? Had I actually made Wufei's head explode with my teasing? 

I took a deep breath, then, not feeling at all calmer, used it to scream obscenities and threats at my computer screen. 

Thank god I had a single room.

"I swear that when I find you, you are going to pay! You killed Wufei! When I find out who's responsible for this I am so going to kick your ass!"

If anything, the chuckling grew louder. The small speckles of color disappeared as someone reached out to wipe off the lens. I held my breath as the hand drew back.

"Relena?" I gasped, shocked. "But…" I trailed off as Quatre also came into view. Relena was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face. She pointed at me, managing to produce a few garbled words before collapsing back into giggles, waving at Quatre to explain.

"Quatre, what's going on?" I asked, my brows drawing together in frustration. 

"Relax Du, Wufei's fine." Quatre replied, holding back laughter himself. "Though we have nabbed the culprit."

"Okay. Good." I said, then frowned as he pointed at me. "What? No! What did I…" I trailed off as I realized he wasn't pointing at my face, but somewhere significantly lower. I looked down at my mostly exposed cleavage thanks to the buttons I'd undone to unlatch the front clasp of one of those horrible, front closing, underwire jobs Relena had stocked me with. 

I gasped and pulled my shirt closed. "Heh, the bra strikes again!" Relena could be heard chuckling in the background. 

I banged my head against the keyboard. 

"Now, if we're not interrupting anything…" Quatre paused to raise an eyebrow, "Important…can you report?"

I scowled back at his grin. No fair! He's supposed to be sweet and innocent, while I'm lecherous and corrupted… though, with an acrobat/contortionist for a boyfriend maybe… whoa! Bad Mental Place! Well, actually… I gave myself a mental slap. No! Report!

            "Yes, actually." I snapped, "I was in the middle of a very satisfying self-pity session when Wufei beeped me.

            Quatre just rolled his eyes at me.

Expelling a great gust of air from my lungs, I told him that I hadn't found any signs of a terrorist group, but there seemed to be a lot of sororities and fraternities on campus. Heero and I had agreed to start there, as 'secret meetings' were a likely place to conduct, uh, well, 'secret meetings.' 

            "…And I think I'm failing math." I finished. Quatre ran an exasperated hand through his hair. He was light and cheery most of the time, but underneath the banter I could see the strain. 

            "Thanks for sharing the last bit, Du." He shook his head. "Okay, so I'll arrange for you to be accelerated out of math class entirely in at least a week." He rummaged through the huge pile of reconnaissance notes and maps on the adjacent table, looking for his palm pilot.

            I felt a little bad about giving him more things to worry about, running a multi-million dollar empire with more employees than citizens of some small European countries, all while trying to spend time with your boyfriend and saving the world on a regular basis wasn't easy. Hell, I left the team for a few years to clear my head, and all I had to do most of the time was blow shit up.

            In light of this, I wisely decided to report that I'd broken a boy's arm today when he groped me after gym class. 

            Well, they WERE teaching self-defense. I think it got me extra points.

            At least I'll be able to pass ONE freakin' class while I'm here.

            Taking my report down on his PDA, Quatre started to go over the details of my report. "Mm, so you've made contact with Heero? How did that go?"

            "Yeah," Relena shouted from offscreen, "Have you made ~contact~ yet?" I could almost see her waggling her eyebrows in a lavicious manner. I pouted and resisted the urge to glare or groan. It seems in my absence, my illustrious title of 'Maker of Lewd Remarks' had been split between Relena and Quatre. I glimpsed the seemingly innocent, yet truly evil, white satin bra strewn carelessly on my floor. It seems she'd taken up 'Doer of Evil Deeds' as well. 

            I would have my revenge, oh yes.

            "Yes." I spoke as neutrally as I could, "We've met each other's pseudonyms."

            **** Two Days Earlier****

            Duo was lying on her back in the grass, letting the thin film of sweat from her lunchtime jog around the campus dry in the warm breeze.

            Smiling, she rolled in the grass contentedly, not caring about the stares she was receiving. Unbeknownst to her, Heero's gaze was among them.

#We're baaaaack!# His hormones crowed cheerfully, as he tried to pry his eyes away from Duo's long, smooth legs in her black running shorts and tank. His acute hearing picked up a small sigh of pleasure as she stretched lying back on the grass with her eyes scrunched shut.

            "Check it out." Jace, another senior who lived on his floor, elbowed him, nodding toward Duo. Apparently death threats were lost on him. When Heero had finally lost it, and picked him up by the neck, slamming him against a wall; Jace was still undeterred. Eyes bugging and his face turning purple for lack of air, he replied with, "Hey, cool, so you're like, a ninja?"

            Heero resigned himself to putting up the idiot and his friends until he found a quiet way to kill them off. They belonged to the highest frat on campus, so Heero, for the good of the mission, would get them to initiate him, and THEN, he could kill them.

            He didn't understand why everyone thought he had no patience.

            Setting his resolve, he pried his eyes away from her legs, moving upward. Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad idea.

#Great idea!# His hormones cheered as Duo's tight tank top lifted, exposing a few inches of taut, toned abs while she stretched, raising her arms above her head. 

            {No.} He thought resolutely, {Duo and I are not yet familiar with each other this mission. I must now jeopardize the mission} Heero wasn't sure how to go about 'introducing' himself to Duo. Especially with Jace and his group of minions watching. 

            He really, really wished Quatre had somehow forgotten to tell him about an earpiece that would transmit the right things to say.

"The new girl's some piece of ass, eh?" Jace grinned. Heero heroically didn't beat 

the shit out of him. Yeah, he really hoped for that earpiece. Otherwise he was screwed.

** Back to Duo's report**

            "Yeah," I groaned, "We met." I shook my head. "I don't think we're going to be able to pull this off Q. Even IF we can get ourselves into these meetings, and IF we manage to pull off going missing at odd times of the night, and IF no one notices that I never got past long division in math, there is NO WAY we're going to be able to pretend to be a couple. 

            "He was totally cold, all stiff and twitchy. He was glancing over his shoulder every few seconds, looking totally furious. I swear, it looked like he was out for blood… and NOT the lusty kind." I growled.

            "Face it Q, Heero's acting skills reek."

            "True," Quatre replied, a smile yet again playing on the corners of his mouth. "He is a horrible actor, but somehow I don't thing he'll have a problem convincing everyone he's in love with you." He smiled then, his eyes dancing and cheeks flushed. "I'll call you next week and take care of that math class for you. Ta!" 

            Quatre's face blipped off my computer screen, leaving me to wonder just what exactly he had meant.

            Shaking my head, I tried to clear my thoughts, focusing on the task ahead. 

            I was an excellent operative in the field most of the time, but now, when I needed it most, my skills were failing me.

            I can produce government quality passports for nearly every country populated by man.

I can run ten miles before my thighs start burning.

            I can survive in freezing water for two minutes without a wetsuit before hypothermia sets in.

            I can set bones and bind ribs.

            I can assemble an M-16 in under twenty seconds while blindfolded.

            But can I seduce Heero and get into a sorority? Even with the fate of the world on the line, I still came to one, and only one conclusion. "We are so screwed."

*** ohh, ominous!***

Next chapter Duo and Heero are introduced to the horrors of normal teenagers! OMG! Dun dun dun dun! 

Please review, as it encourages me to write faster, and sometimes gives me ideas as to where the (somewhat non-existant) plot is headed next. I swear, this did start out with a plot, and a rather serious one too, but how is it that all my fics end up at least semi-sillyfics? ~**Shrugs~ **Any theories? 

Anyhoo, I'd love to hear back from anyone, even if it's: "You suck, I know toddlers that write better than you." If that is the case, please tell me why, so I can improve my writing and not subject you to further drivel. Thankee!

-RA 


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